生命的終點

雖然清楚知道生命是有始有終,但在沒有真正進入老年前,除非有切身經歷;自身曾和生命終結擦身而過、大病初癒、親友的離開、抑或是未果的胎兒…我們不太可能帶著生命終究結束的視角來度日,這看起來似乎太消極了、太不入世了,我們應該想的是如何讓人生過得精采、過得有意義。

然而,這些年,我不時地提醒自己生命的終點,有意無意間,也特別被這個視角給觸動,在開始接觸股市投資時,我讀到了費雪,他其中一個兒子為他所寫的序;我讀到了Peter Lynch為何急流勇退,他想起了他早逝的爸爸。

While my mother is still pretty vital, my father isn’t the man I knew. Not at all. The man I knew is long gone…… I can’t tell how much of a curse and how much of a blessing it will be for her when he finally passes on. It is impossible to tell. The only thing I know for sur is that old age isn’t for sissies. Ken Fisher

I remembered that my father had died when he was 46 years old. You start to feel mortal when you realize you’ve already outlived your parents. You start to recognize that you’re only going to exist for a little while, whereas you’re going to be dead for a long time. Peter Lynch

今天讀到了林白夫人的女兒Reeve Lindergh 的< No more words>,憶起她高齡母親離世前最後兩年,這也讓我想到了鍾文音的<捨不得不見妳>。

自從媽媽離開後,生命終點的視角便相依相伴,過於傷心難過的時候,一想到死亡的終點,就覺得像是搭錯了火車,很慌張很想中途下車,但慢慢的,我開始體悟到這個視角就像個有智慧的長者陪在身旁,給我安定的力量,不為人事當中的小圈圈也好、約定俗成也好,感到心煩意亂;也是自己的一面明鏡,一旦自己時不時出現的僥倖心態、追求安逸不夠勤勉、不加思索的偏見、自我為中心的情緒當下,可以透過自我察覺,映照自己各種的庸人自擾。更不用說,生命終將結束的提醒,也讓我身處在每日日常,帶著感謝,所生活的一切,是容易也是不容易。

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